I have been working my way slowly through the "Experiencing God" Bible study by Henry Blackaby. This is not my first time to go through this particular study, but it is the first time to do it in English. God has been using this study to point out areas in my life, where my thinking has just been wrong, or distorted.
This morning, I find myself at another one of those places. Physically I'm exhausted. I have found myself at a point, where I get overwhelmed at the thought of just adding one more thing to my plate. I have walked this Christian life for a long time and I know that God does not burden me down with things that will overwhelm and exhaust me. I know that his burden is easy and load is light. So then the thoughts start, why am I feeling this way? I must have picked up burdens and loads that God never intended for me to carry... what are they?
Today in my Bible study, I read this line and it has been reverberating in my mind, "Only the Father has the right to initiate a divine work." Whoa... is my trying to live up to the expectations of what everyone else thinks needs to be happening, where I have started to pick up burdens and loads that my Father NEVER intended me to carry?
Why exactly are we having a Mother's Day breakfast, Sunday morning? Is the purpose "out reach" or is it just because we always do it and everyone expects us to do it? Why do we have to have something to give away at the breakfast? Is is because handing out a bookmark to all the ladies present, will in someway lead them to Christ? Or is it just because we always hand out something, and everyone will be expecting it? We've been taking photos of Moms and their families present on Mother's Day, almost since we arrived in the country 24 years ago. Why? Because it is what everyone expects us to do it? Does anyone ask to help? Does anyone even wonder who pays for it? Do we even get a "Thanks for doing that?" The last few years, the time has been full of stress, and people getting upset because the line is longer than they want it to be, or they are trying to cut in line because their time is way more important than anyone else and they can't possibly wait their turn.... I don't really resent the time taking the photos or even paying to have them developed, but I am starting to question, what is the purpose and is God really being honored and glorified, and families coming to know Christ, because we are taking photos on Mother's Day?
These thoughts aren't just centered on the activities of this week-end. I've used them as an example because they are what are going on right now. I have been convicted the last weeks, that I spend way too much time trying to "dream up" what I can do for the Father, and then asking him to bless it. Another statement from the "Experiencing God" Bible Study, "Jesus did not have to guess what to do. Jesus did not have to dream up what He could do for the Father." What exactly did Jesus do in his ministry? He looked to see where the Father was at work, and He joined the Father there. Instead of "dreaming up" what I can do for God, I need to make sure that Jesus Christ is Lord of my life. I need to watch and see what He is doing and where He is working and adjust my life, my plans and my goals to HIM. My life needs to be at His disposal - where He is working - so He will accomplish His purposes through me. (Experiencing God, Unit 6, Day 2)
God NEVER intended us to be overwhelmed, stressed out, and exhausted... When we are following Him and walking with Him, he has promised that if we take his yoke upon us, the burden is easy, and the load is light. He has promised Peace that passes all understanding. He has promised joy in the sorrow.
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