You just never know...

Sorry to be silent for so long on here.  On Monday morning, March 26, my sweet mother, suffered a massive stroke at her home in Tennessee.  My 15 year old son, had just arrived on the Friday evening before, to spend 2 weeks with his grandparents to help out with some yard work and things they needed done.  The last thing she said to my son, as she was in the ambulance, but before they put the oxygen mask on her, was that she loved him and grandpa, and not to worry because the worst thing that could happen to her, was that she was going to go see Jesus.

On Wednesday morning about 9:00, My husband and 2 younger children and I, arrived to TN from Ecuador.  The next days are a total blur, as we stayed by her bedside, and prayed for God to preform a miracle for us.  He chose instead to take her home to glory about 7:00am, Tuesday Morning April 3. That really was a miracle for her, as she was now in the presence of her Lord and all her loved ones that had gone on before her. 

For the last months, my family and I have been in the States, on an "unexpected furlough", helping my Dad, and seeking God's will for our future.

This time has taught me so many things.  One of them is that grieving is definitely a process, and I don't believe you ever "get over" the loss of a dear one... you may be able to breathe a bit easier with time but I don't believe the sense of loss will ever really go away.  There are times I can think about my Mom and smile or even laugh at a sweet memory, and there are other times when I will be going about my day, and an unexpected memory will pop up and literally take my breath away, and I will have tears rolling down my cheeks.  I am sure people are looking at me strangely as I am sitting in the Captain D's with tears rolling down my cheeks because I just remembered that I had sat at "that table with Mom".... or the people that pass me in the grocery and wonder why I am crying in the produce section of the store.   It is just part of it, and it hits at the most "random" times, it seems.

I have learned that I have a choice.  I can be angry at God for "doing this to me", or I can choose to trust Him, as my Good, Good Father, and know that he is at work in my life and that all that he does is for my good and His Glory.  In saying that, I don't mean that losing my Mom was "good", BUT, I do believe that God uses it for His good in my life.  Everything He does is to bring me closer to him, and form me into the image of His Son.  I can either choose to accept that, and cooperate with him, or I can fight it.

People ask me all the time, "What are you going to do?" Well, I'm going to get up tomorrow morning, if God gives me tomorrow.  I am going to do what he places in front of me to do tomorrow, and I am going to walk the path he leads me on.  Do I know what tomorrow holds, or next week, or next month, or next year?  NO!  I do not.  If I have learned one thing through this whole time, it is this.  No one knows what a day will bring forth.  BUT, I do know, who, holds tomorrow, next week, next month and next year in his hand!  Praise God!!  And I CAN trust Him to lead and direct my steps.  I can trust that He has good plans for me and for my family and that as we wait on Him he will be that voice in our ear, saying, "This is the way, walk in it." 

Thank you for your prayers for my family during this time.